Lights, Camera, I Wrote a Play!

Even though I want to pursue acting, I never knew I wanted to write a play until I was handed the opportunity. I had the chance to submit a play and potentially see it performed by professional actors. I would be able to see how they interpret a script with only ten minutes to rehearse. Score! Even if my play wouldn't be read, it didn't matter. I was only proud of myself for writing a play. It takes a lot of time! At the Boston Playwright Theatre, my classmates and I had the chance to learn a little fight choreography. Who doesn't want to learn how to pretend slap, punch, or kick someone? The woman teaching us was really nice. Everyone was really nice and open.

The plays I saw were well written and well performed, featuring many different types of stories. From attacking Canada Goose to a Facebook group of neighborhood moms (definitely my favorite). I was thoroughly surprised to see my play cold read. I know my stage directions very difficult to understand. I was a little nervous even (you could tell with my stiff expression). But great job actors! You did it! I loved how they portrayed the confused girlfriend and the inconsiderate boyfriend. The audience gave me very thoughtful comments and I was certainly happy to get a few laughs out of them. Again, I am so thankful for being given this opportunity and I'd love to continue playwriting as a hobby (I'm actually brainstorming some ideas. You'll be the first to know of the latest developments!).

If you're interested, you can read my finished play below. I'm so sorry it's not in PDF form. I had a few difficulties and ultimately just copied and pasted. CAUTION: To make this play most realistic, swear words are included. And with that, enjoy! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Oh The Wonders of The Mini-Mart

Kala                                                girlfriend to Brian, been with him for more than six months,

                                                         Indian, confident, but humble, tends to wear airy clothing and 

                                                         somewhat tight pants, extravagant earrings, early 20s

Brian                                              boyfriend to Kala, bland, very unaware, wears articles along 

                                                         the lines of  sweatpants and flannels, mid-20s

Addison                                         sales clerk in the Mini-Mart, early 20s, has more life 

                                                         experience

Customer                                      flirts with Addison

A convenience store, containing three aisles, the middle aisle contains mostly bags of chips,

gum, and other miscellaneous items, other aisles are mostly bare, but still have bottles,

wipes, the side of the aisle closest to the checkout table and facing the audience has a few

bags of basmati rice

A checkout table stands stage right, parallel to the aisles, entrance to the mini-mart is off

stage right

All characters are offstage except ADDISON, who is rearranging items on the aisles. After a

few moments, KALA and BRIAN enter from stage right, ADDISON continues tending to the

aisles.

BRIAN:

We only have about ten minutes, so just find something that looks good

enough to last you the rest of the ride and let’s bounce.

KALA:

Ok. (Quietly)Look for something that looks like it could be edible.

(They begin walking through the aisle together, shoulder to shoulder)

BRIAN:

Oh no freakin’ way!

KALA:

What is it?

BRIAN:

They have my favorite cream cheese here! Philadelphia Strawberry.

(chuckles) That’s so funny. 

KALA:

(confused, but still trying to be polite) May I ask why?

BRIAN:

 Well...cuz, well we live there. (Kala smiles convincingly) I know. Funny right?

KALA:
Quite.

(Continues smiling, but at how dumb the joke is)

BRIAN:

Where’s your sense of humor?I thought you enjoyed my jokes.(with a touch of sarcasm)

Isn’t that why you find me so charming? 

KALA:

Just for you, I’ll do better next time...

BRIAN:

(Interrupting) Do you think my mother would like this as a gift? (Holding up container)

I mean I’ll obviously buy her something else when we get to Rhode Island.

But dude, as a starter, it’s a pretty good gift don’t you think?

KALA:

Only if you think it is. (Quieter)For a second there I thought you

were going to talk about the stunning amount of candy they sell to people here...

BRIAN:

(interrupts) Ok whatever! We don’t have time to make small talk.

KALA:

Small talk, what? That doesn’t even make any…

BRIAN:

JUST get whatever you need and I’ll pay for it.

(They disperse and look around the store separately. BRIAN is in the second aisle

from the register, KALA is at the first aisle from the register,

ADDISON approaches KALA)

ADDISON: 

Do you need any help with anything?

KALA:

Oh...no. Thank you. (Slight pause. ADDISON begins to walk away.)

Wait actually yes. Where are the disinfectant wipes?

ADDISON:

Oh sure. They’re just down this way.

(Moves downstage, BRIAN moves to aisle farthest from the register.)

Here you go. (hands wipes to KALA). Where are you both headed?

One of those “taking a fun road trip while you’re still young” things?

I really need to get on that.

KALA:

 We’re from Philadelphia and are headed to Rhode Island.

ADDISON: 

(raises eyebrows) Rhode Island huh? Do you have family there?

KALA: 

(To herself, but ADDISON hears) I would hope not.

(Looking at ADDISON) Not that I know of. 

ADDISON: 

(nods) Just want to see all fifty states then. You gonna see the Marble House?

Rosecliff? Mohegan Bluffs? Just want to have a look around Providence?

Isn’t there a zoo somewhere in that state? There must be.

KALA:

Sorry. Providence?

ADDISON:

The capital of Rhode Island.

KALA:

Oh! No. My boyfriend and I are..um..you know, simple roadtripping.

Sightseeing. Touristy stuff.

ADDISON:

Was it his idea?

KALA: 

 Was what his idea? (clearly knowing what ADDISON

is talking about). Sightseeing? Because that’s what everyone does on--

ADDISON:

Rhode Island.

KALA:

Not…...entirely. I did suggest we should stay near the east coast.

ADDISON:

 Oh, ok. Well, enjoy your  trip and by the raw chance you see me again,
tell me about it. Also, I’m Addison if you’re wondering.

KALA: 

Thank you! Kala. Hope to see you again. Somehow, too. 

(KALA walks upstage to middle aisle and meets BRIAN there,

they walk slowly downstage looking through the merchandise)

(ADDISON resumes to rearranging the items on the shelves of the aisle

nearest the register) (Light/attention solely on KALA, who is browsing

through the various bags of chips)

KALA: 

(picks up a bag of chips) Doritos:Nacho Cheese. Looks very...nachoey.

Even though it probably isn’t. The things you do to

get more customers I guess.

(Continues walking, becoming more agitated by chips)

 Crunchy Munchies: Crunchy and Satisfying. What is this?

The Lion King? Am I living a problem-free philosophy by eating

these crumbs that have absolutely NO nutritional value?

(Tosses the bag back on the shelf)

Ruffles have RRRidges! Sour cream and cheddar.

Let me guess, because of the sour cream, this is Mexican,

but because of the cheddar, this only 50% Mexican. More like 50% Mexican,

50% American. But who wants to buy something that says 50% American?

Probably should’ve written 100% Mexican to attract more customers.

You should put that on your stupid plastic bag that

pollutes the planet and kills baby animals! Ugh! 

(Tosses bag more firmly at the shelf, BRIAN doesn’t seem to notice)

(Realizing the things she is saying) What the ef am I saying?

(Spotlight/attention taken off of Kala)

BRIAN:

(Turns around) Want me to buy you some chips, babe?

KALA: 

(mutters) no I prefer not to eat some crap out of a bag...

BRIAN:

What’d you say?

KALA:

(continues muttering)...that is supposed to sustain me for another three hours…

BRIAN: 

Babe I can’t hear what you’re saying!

(Meanwhile, ADDISON, on the other side of the aisle,

can hear everything that the two are saying, makes a face to the

audience at what BRIAN just said)

KALA:

I SAID I DON’T WANT CHIPS!

I WOULD LIKE SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE.

(ADDISON smiles and nods, holds up a fist)

BRIAN:

Ok! Well just say that next time! It’s just a stupid bag of chips.

KALA: 

(mocking what she said earlier) If that’s what you say it is.

(BRIAN has a pleased expression on his face, not realizing

what KALA actually means.)

KALA: 

(Hesitant, but then makes a face) You know what? No! I want more

than just...chips!

BRIAN:

Okay, so do you want to buy gum with that? Or a cheeseburger?

KALA: 

I’m  vegetarian. And lactose intolerant. Did you forget?

BRIAN:

No. I just have a lot on my mind. A man can only do so much.

KALA:

(quietly) Why don’t you elaborate?

BRIAN:

Well, hell I don’t know! Like take you on this trip. And show you my favorite

parts of Monroeville. Did all of that just mean nothing to you?

And why are we talking about this now?

We’re in a fuckin’ mini-mart right now!

KALA: 

It doesn’t matter where we are. Whatever.

Let’s just check out your stuff. (they make their way to the register)

(but they abruptly stop at the side of the aisle nearest

the register, facing the audience)

BRIAN:

Hey look babe (gesturing to a heaping bag). They sell

(says in a very American way) basmati rice here.

Do you want to me to buy you some?

KALA:

No thanks.

BRIAN:

Why not? Don’t you like basmati?

KALA:

Not that much. And I won’t be able to cook it on a road trip.

BRIAN:

This is just rice. There’s nothing to cook.

KALA:

Yes there is. You have to soak it in water. And besides I don’t

even like basmati rice (pronounces it how its pronounced in India).

Not everyone has to like it.

BRIAN: 

Fine. Whatever. I just wanted to buy you something for the trip.

KALA:

You don’t have to buy me anything. I’ve got my own money.

So can we just buy what you wanted to buy and leave?

BRIAN:

(annoyed tone) Let’s.

(Now they make their way to the register where ADDISON awaits.

There is a CUSTOMER in front of them. KALA watches them interact,

while BRIAN pays no attention)

ADDISON:

(talking to CUSTOMER) That’s quite a lot of beers you got there.

Are these all for you?

CUSTOMER:

(teasing) Yeah. I came all the way to some banged-up mini-mart

to buy a buncha beers and humiliate myself in front

of a hot sales clerk.

ADDISON:

Boundaries, sir.

CUSTOMER:

Sir? Come on, you’re making me feel old. 

ADDISON:

Well we all reach that time at some point in life, don’t we?

May I ask where it is you’re going then?

CUSTOMER:

Me and my guys are headin’ up to New Hampshire.

We’re camping in the woods and then it’s

off to conquer Mount Washington!

ADDISON:

(raises eyebrows) Washington? That’s pretty ambitious.

CUSTOMER:

What can I say? I’m an adventurous guy. (Flirty tone) You know uh, you could come

too you know. If you wanted to. We don’t really have an extra

tent so, I guess you would have to share.

(KALA reacts to this, gets wrapped up in this little rom-com of a scene)

KALA:

Excuse me. Hi (gestures to CUSTOMER). What other things are

there in New Hampshire?

CUSTOMER:

(a little annoyed he couldn’t continue flirting with ADDISON) Oh, well...

There’s the presidential range, obviously some smaller mountains,

but who would go so low? Ha, so low. (KALA smiles)

And of course the glorious (gestures)

Franconia Ridge. Boy that’ll be The Day…

BRIAN:

(now paying attention) Oh who cares? We’re already going somewhere.

CUSTOMER:

Hey she’s the one who asked (gesturing to KALA, turning

back to ADDISON).

ADDISON:

(flattered) I’ll see if I have to cover any more shifts.

CUSTOMER:

Excellent. You can let me know in my truck…

BRIAN:

(interrupts) Hello! Would you please hurry up your little fairy-tale

so I can get out of here? Other people have places to be.

KALA:

(To ADDISON and CUSTOMER) It’s fine really. 

ADDISON:

 (Looking at KALA and then back to CUSTOMER) Ok well,

for the extra four six-packs you want to buy, that’ll be $28.95.

CUSTOMER:

Ooooof! That seems like a lot….. Want to cut me a break

on this one?

(KALA pays extra attention)

ADDISON:

(Sarcastically) Oh I would if I wanted to lose my job.

(Back to normal tone)I’m not that easy to manipulate. 

CUSTOMER: 

Good quality to have. Well do you still want to let me

know if you want to join me? In my truck, that is?

BRIAN:

Can this guy just shut the hell up?

KALA:

(Quietly) Brian stop. You’re being rude.

Just let them finish their conversation.

BRIAN:
This isn’t some rom-com Kala.

We gotta to get going.

KALA:

Another two minutes won’t disrupt our entire trip.

Just be patient.

CUSTOMER:

(Turning to KALA and BRIAN) And where are you both headed?

KALA:

We’re heading to Rhode Island…

CUSTOMER:

Oh, to explore Providence or I hear the Marble House is pretty swell. 

KALA:

Yeah...

BRIAN:

(Interrupting once again) It’s not really any of your business.

Can you just hurry up with your freakish abundance of beers.

CUSTOMER:

Well, I apologize. (To KALA) Hey have fun on your trip. (winks)

KALA:

Thank you. (waves and smiles a little too much) 

CUSTOMER:

No problem. (gives a flirty eye to ADDISON and exits)

KALA:

(returns to her proper self) You know what Brian, can we go somewhere

else to buy this stuff?

BRIAN:

Why? We’re already here and this place is as convenient as it’ll get. Haha.

That’s funny.

(Waits for KALA to laugh and understand, but 

she looks at him and doesn’t respond.)

Because we’re in a convenience store. Come on Kala,

why are you such a stiff neck?

KALA:

What did I do? I’m sorry if I don’t find your pun all that funny.

I don’t have to laugh every time.

BRIAN:

Well it would be nice if you did. Wow. You know, I really wish I had a

more appreciative and fun girlfriend.

KALA: 

Well I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Oh, ha ha ha. (Begins to laugh hysterically,

but in a fake way) Get it? Because we’re in a convenience store

and I’m an inconvenience. I’m telling you it doesn’t get more funnier that……….

(back to normal tone) Now can you hurry up so we go somewhere else?

BRIAN:
Somewhere else like where?

KALA:

Like... a grocery store. 

BRIAN:

What’s in a fucking grocery store that you can’t get at a mini-mart?

KALA:

I’d just prefer to buy food that’s more, how do I say this?...real.

ADDISON:

She’s right. The food here is crap. 

BRIAN:

(not paying attention to ADDISON) Just buy something here.

We don’t have time to go somewhere else.

KALA: 

WELL I ALREADY TOLD YOU I WANT TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE!

I guess I just want more to my lame and pathetic life than shopping at a convenience

store that sells nothing but crap in bags. And I want to feel like a badass,

not like some old lady. Not entirely related,

but it’s how I feel! Because I’m still young!

Is that just too much to ask for? 

BRIAN:

(sincerely) If you feel like your life is lame, you have me.

ADDISON:

Ooooh! That was not the right choice of words.

BRIAN:

And who the hell are you to tell me that?

Look at where you work.

KALA:

Brian, JUST STOP! You don’t get to talk to her like that! (sighs)

I’m just going to go find a grocery store nearby.

I’ll let you know if I come back.

BRIAN:

What do you mean “if you come back”? You mean “when you come back.”

KALA:

No. I mean “if”.

ADDISON:

(looking at BRIAN) She means “if”, bitch.

KALA:

 Yep. And if not, you might find me somewhere in New Hampshire.

(exits the way she came in.)

( BRIAN and ADDISON watch her leave. ADDISON turns back to the

register and scans the pile of chips and the cream cheese in front of her)

ADDISON:

(looks up to BRIAN) That’ll be $15.97.

(Lights off).