Week-Long YouTube Ban

I'm so excited to write about this! Yes, I did another challenge because I love them. This time I decided not to watch YouTube for an entire week. Was it challenging? yes. But was it life changing? also yes. I completely underestimated how transformative it would be. I'm going to talk about why I embarked on this challenge, what actually happened, and what's coming in the future. It's going to be so hard to squeeze everything in because there's so much to talk about! 

-My Reasons-

First things first, I am a YouTube addict. Seriously. My excessive YouTube consumption began with wanting to learn more about minimalism and the zero waste movement. I felt like there was so much I didn't know that real people on YouTube could teach me. But slowly, but surely, after nearly a year, I started watching a little more than necessary. Ironic that the videos I watched in excess were about a philosophy that eliminates the excess. Without realizing it, YouTube became my go-to time filler. If I was bored, YouTube. If I needed "inspiration," YouTube. If I needed motivation, YOUTUBE. Countless times, I would look back on my day and only remember watching a buttload of YouTube. As dramatic as it sounds, I felt like I had no control over this overconsumption. I felt like it was going to run my life for me and dictate my choices.

I was being overly influenced. So influenced that it bled into my daily life and I would make decisions based on other people’s opinions. I would alter my life to match theirs. I felt pressured to maintain a certain aesthetic, even though in the past, I never cared for such things. I also felt pressured to own certain things, which is the exact opposite of what minimalism promotes!

I felt like my identity wasn't my own, like I didn't own my life. Hear me out.; through watching these videos, I wasn’t forming any of my beliefs based on my experiences, but based on someone else’s words. Other people were out there doing something with their lives and I was just supposed to sit back and watch. I was investing in their lives instead of my own. I felt like I didn’t have an identity, like my sole hobby/interest was watching YouTube content. It's funny because I was gaining so much information, but at the same time, I felt like I didn't have an identity to hold onto anymore.

After a year of practicing minimalism and working towards zero waste, there’s really nothing more minimalism and zero waste videos can teach me. Whatever I don’t know, I’ll learn in time. I guess I always thought that there was something these videos could continue to teach me even after a whole year because I didn't give myself enough credit; I didn't trust that I could figure those things out on my own.

-The Rules-

Obviously there were a few exceptions. First, I was allowed to listen to jazz and other music on YouTube. I am NOT willing to give up jazz. Plus, listening to jazz helps me stay focused and grounded (I'm listening to it right now). Second, I love doing home workouts (more than I love going to the gym. What?!) and I will continue to use YouTube to get in different types of exercise. Lastly, I am allowed to use YouTube for school if my teachers ask me to watch a video. That's it.

What happened?

I didn't cheat if that's what you're asking :) A LOT happened. I felt free. I didn't feel pressured to buy a certain thing or to have a certain aesthetic or even have a certain opinion. As weird as it sounds, I felt like I was finally using that amazing human intelligence that everyone goes on and on about. I dismissed the idea that the things other people had would enrich my life or make it better. This challenge simultaneously impacted my mental health and my self-esteem tremendously. Looking back, I realize how much I used YouTube to numb my pain, similar to what I’d do with food. It always left me more dissatisfied because I wasn’t actively bettering myself, but passively watching a video about bettering myself. But I’m learning not to run away from the pain anymore and instead am searching for answers within myself. In no way is it an easy process, but it is without a doubt more beneficial in the long run.

I will be just fine if I don't watch a YouTube video. I don’t need to learn about decluttering or learn why I’m unhappy by watching a video about it. I simply need to look inward and think about what I need in life right NOW. I need to treat YouTube videos the same way I treat material items. If I’m browsing YouTube because I'm bored, which, I shouldn’t be doing in the first place, and come across a video that I may want to watch, then I should wait 24 hours before watching. Am I inconveniencing myself? Yes! But I think it’s worth it. If I didn’t need to watch it five minutes ago, then I don’t need to watch it now. I am basically transferring my conscious consumption of things to my conscious consumption of YouTube; if I’m not in active pursuit of that information, why watch?

-What I did instead-

I read more that's for sure (I finished two books!) and went for more walks with my mom. I've spent more time creating, rather than absorbing. I focused on this blog and am continually working to create better, more valuable content for you. And I have more energy to work on it. I get a lot of joy from working on it and pouring my heart out in the process. I continued doodling when I was really bored. Oh yes, there were times when I was bored, but my brain saw it as "relaxation time."

What does the future hold?

I will continue to participate in these challenges. I'm planning a big one for the coming months. They keep me in check. I attempted to set systems in the past, but they always backfired. Some things I just need to quit cold turkey to eliminate a bad habit to then replace it with a good one. But I understand we're all different. Not everyone can have an "all or nothing" mindset. A challenge like this might not be the solution for you, but I encourage you to do a little experimenting to see what works."Don't feel tethered to my opinion," right?

Here's what I want to do more of: exercising, especially dancing, getting out into nature, journaling and looking inward because my relationship with myself affects my relationship with others, language learning (this was my quarantine pastime), creative work like drawing, collaging, painting, or singing, and of course, reading!

Thank you for sticking till the end. I hope you continue to pursue what brings you happiness. This blog certainly does that for me.

I want to try something where every Monday I recommend one "healthy"(it's probably best I don't call it "healthy" because then I won't even do it :) habit for us to try together every week. Let's see how it goes!

This week's healthy habit: Go for a walk at least four times this week.

Have a great Monday everybody!